The Art of the Deal

I first had the idea for this cartoon during the government shutdown.

No, not the one you’re probably thinking of.

THIS one.

The one from 2013—when John Boehner was Speaker of the House, and Democrats still controlled at least one branch of the federal government, even after catastrophic losses across the country during the national elections of 2010 and 2012.

My being able to resurrect years-old gags, despite radical swings in the nominal balance of power, is perhaps the most troubling trend in my cartoons, lately—aside maybe from their ever-decreasing punctuality. It reinforces the notion that both parties are ultimately tools of inequality, and the ultra-wealthy, which—regardless of accuracy—is less black-and-white than it sounds, and easily-exploited by the unscrupulous and evil in its grey areas.

I’ve seen others suggest a “Good Cop/Bad Cop” analogy for the Democrats and the GOP, and I myself have compared the former to the Washington Generals versus the latter’s Harlem Globetrotters, but these are both imperfect sketches of a more complex, detailed, and probably sloppier issue.

While Republicans are at this point ridiculously open about their disrespect for and even hatred of minorities, immigrants, women, senior citizens, and the poor, Democratic representatives and lawmakers often exhibit the same contempt for each of these demographics in their actions, regardless of their words.

Barack Obama talked a big game on immigration, and the global extension of human rights, while simultaneously conducting more deportations, more extra-judicial drone-bombings, and more international arms sales than even his brain-damaged war-criminal of a Republican predecessor.

Centrist Democrats who wear feminism like a chic, high-priced fashion accessory are quick to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon their more economically Progressive opponents on abortion policy, but that doesn’t stop them from excusing the same or even worse failings in their own candidates of choice for Congress, Vice President, and President of the United States.

Self-described liberal feminists, and die-hard #StillWithHer fanatics gleefully slut-shame Melania Trump or attack Jane Sanders’ appearance. Anyone pointing out the obvious contradiction in ideals is immediately met with hostility so mindless it rarely even bothers with an excuse.

Immigrants are nothing more than bargaining chips to the Democratic Party, their rights and humanity sold out as quickly as Homer Simpson betting his family’s life savings on a single hand of Blackjack.

Black Lives Matter protestors are dismissed as dupes of Russian “meddling”; their concerns meritless division. Ignoring and talking down to people of color is the norm, after all, while allowing them unimpeded speech is often considered a sign of “weakness,” instead of a necessary shift in the focus of dialogue.

“White” is affixed to the phrase “working class” in a cheap ploy designed to turn minorities against their own self-interests, in much the same way as those same minorities have been made scapegoats for the sufferings of their gullible, white counterparts. It’s the same scam, people! Just coming from the other direction!! “You fool me, I can’t get fooled again!”

Every election is the MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION EVAR, but even when running against (and barely defeating) literal pedophiles, the #Resistance still ends up with generic white dudes—exactly what they claim to despise—voting in favor of Trump’s agenda more than half the time!

Members of both parties continue to enthusiastically waste hundreds of billions every year on killing innocent men, women, and children across the globe, but when it comes to keeping their own constituents alive and healthy, they just can’t seem to find the cash, and what little healthcare “reform” they grant turns out to be policy that was crafted by Republicans in the first place.

That’s not “compromise.” That’s begging for scraps, and then settling for crumbs. That’s “caving,” so it’s actually sadistically appropriate that the guy Democrats now find themselves caving in to is the living cartoon character who put his name on (but did not write, of course) The Art of the Deal.

If the GOP is a suicide pill, the Democrats are a slice of spoiled baloney meant to help most of us choke it down. And while the baloney may be slightly more palatable than the arsenic it conceals, it’s still basically just processed snouts and anuses.

3 Responses to “The Art of the Deal”

By » geeves (April 10th, 2018 at 5:21 am)

“I’ve seen others suggest a “Good Cop/Bad Cop” analogy for the Democrats and the GOP,”

More like Bad Cop / Worse Cop

https://youtu.be/VVAVuuRSBIc?t=2m40s