To Catch a President

Ever wonder if Donald Trump is on Roblox, and if so, what his Roblox username is?

That might sound like a ridiculous question, until you consider the fact that Roblox is reportedly very popular with pedophiles online, these days.

Now, I’m not necessarily saying Donald Trump himself is a pedophile. I’m just acknowledging that he clearly enjoys being around them, so it’d make sense for him to be part of an online community so infested with pedophiles that its CEO recently referred to their presence on the platform as a “growth opportunity.” You know, like black mold or melanoma.

Oh, Trump’s a rapist, for sure. The jury is literally no longer out on that; nor is it an exaggeration to call him a “grotesque pervert,” either, given that he’s publicly bragged about sexually harassing women and teenagers, proudly admitted to committing sexual assault, and on multiple occasions, shared creepy, incestuous thoughts about each of his own daughters.

And while Jeffrey Epstein is certainly the most infamous pedophile with whom Trump has been prolific friends and/or human-trafficking business partners, he was neither the first nor the most recent: Take John Casablancas, the founder of Elite Modeling Agency, who openly dated a 14-year-old in the mid-1980s, then married a 17-year-old in the early-1990s. Trump hosted and judged Elite’s “Look of the Year” competition on his yacht in 1991 and 1992, where girls between the ages of 14 and 19 were leered at, pawed, and allegedly raped by a carousel of disgusting scumbags. After that, Trump whored Ivanka out to the agency while continuing to participate in functions with Casablancas where the two forcibly looked up women’s skirts, commented on their genitals, and grabbed them without consent. Father of the year, folks!

After Trump (falsely) claims to have ended his relationship with Epstein, he continued to associate with other known, convicted pedophiles, such as George Nader, whom he felt perfectly comfortable involving in his 2016 Presidential campaign, even though Nader had already been sentenced in 1991 for the distribution of child porn, and imprisoned in 2003 for sexually abusing 10 boys in the Czech Republic.

Then there was Robert Morris, who served as Trump’s “faith advisor” on the same campaign, then remained on good enough terms with him for the two to continue being photographed together until at least 2020, before being indicted and convicted in 2025 of sexually assaulting a 12-year-old in the 1980s.

I guess Morris must have “advised” Trump to keep having “faith” in pedophiles, because he definitely didn’t stop! There was Anton Lazzaro, who paid bribes made donations to Trump and other Republicans at the same time as he was sex-trafficking minors in 2020; and who could forget Matt Gaetz, the former Congressman and cautionary tale about plastic surgery who Trump tried to put in charge of the Department of Justice, before having to settle on installing some trashy blonde there instead, once it was revealed Gaetz paid for sex with a 17-year-old during his tenure in the U.S. House of Representatives?

Or how about former linebacker Lawrence Taylor, who was arrested in 2010 for statutory rape, plead guilty in 2011 to sexual misconduct and patronizing a prostitute, then repeatedly failed to report his whereabouts to the public as a registered sex offender in 2021 and 2024? Does that sound to you like a good candidate for The President’s Council on Sports, Fitness and Nutrition, a federal agency which concerns itself with, among other things, administering the Presidential Fitness Test for students in public schools? BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP APPARENTLY THOUGHT SO WHEN HE APPOINTED TAYLOR TO THE ORGANIZATION LAST YEAR!

Taylor himself didn’t even seem to understand why the fuck he was there—like, yeah, I get that he probably has CTE, but he literally said, in his acceptance speech, “I don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing.”

In other words, Donald Trump goes so far out of his way to consort with pedophiles and rapists, that they don’t even have to seek him out, first. It’s as if he’s irresistibly drawn to them, like some kind of sex-criminal magnet! He hears about one of these revolting freaks, and starts desperately plotting to become friends with them, instead of picturing that wood-chipper scene from Fargo like a relatively normal person.

Other than Ghislaine Maxwell, is there ANY LIVING INDIVIDUAL who’s gotten his or her picture taken with more convicted rapists and pedophiles than Donald Trump has? It happens so often that there’s a good chance he’s posing for one right now, even as you read this sentence!

It’s not like he has to look very far to find them in the modern Republican Party. Yeah, the Democrats definitely have some nauseating sexual predators and likely pederasts of their own, but at least their organization’s core principles don’t seem to have been deliberately curated to cultivate active disrespect for bodily autonomy and consent like the GOP’s. There aren’t very many Democratic lawmakers out there trying to make miscarriages a crime, defending child marriage or supporting a pardon for Ghislaine Maxwell, but boy howdy, there sure have been a ton of Republican politicians and washed-up conservative “celebrities” taking Jared Fogel’s “Subway Challenge,” lately!

The most well-known political sex scandal in American history prior to Donald Trump’s election was of course Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky, but can you, my well-informed and savvy readers, identify the highest-ranking U.S. elected official ever to serve jail time for crimes related to a sex scandal? It happened post-Clinton, and I’ve written about him before.

That would be Dennis Hastert, who became Speaker of the House in 1999 after fellow Republicans Leeeeeroy Newton Gingrich, and Gingrich’s heir apparent to the role, Bob Livingston, both became blueprints for MAGA’s signature move of projection by imploding over extramarital affairs of their own while pursuing Clinton about Lewinsky.

As I previously noted, Congress became even more dysfunctional under Hastert’s shitty “leadership” than it already was, while he shepherded many odious pieces of legislation which continue to harm the country to this day. These included various tax cuts for the wealthy, authorization for the 2003 invasion of Iraq, and the USA PATRIOT Act, which, in a delicious though far from sufficient turn of poetic justice, was instrumental in bringing about his arrest: Suspicious withdrawals Hastert had structured in order to evade bank reporting requirements lead to the discovery of payoffs he’d made to keep people quiet about his history of molesting boys as young as 14 when he was a high school wrestling coach in the 1960s and ’70s.

I said it was “far from sufficient” because the son of a bitch only got 15 months in prison plus two years’ probation, and a measly $250,000 fine. To make matters worse: HE’S STILL FUCKING ALIVE. As far as I can tell, he wasn’t even required to register as a sex offender, despite being called a “serial child molester” by the presiding judge, and admitting to the abuse at sentencing himself, WHAT THE FUCK?!!

I think I may have had more to say about the Republican Party being a breeding ground for these kinds of vile reprobates, but I’m just too angry, now.

Is Donald Trump a pedophile? Most likely! Is he is a rapist who’s spent decades gleefully associating with, befriending, enabling, aiding, abetting, hiring, and officially taking advice from pedophiles? Most definitely, so anyone who supports him is by the transitive property also a supporter of pedophiles, no matter how many of Trump’s rape victims were underaged at the time.

MAGA should be required to register like sex offenders for the rest of their lives, though I wouldn’t be surprised if a significant number of them are already registered as, anyway.