File Under “P”

This might be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever drawn, but then again, I suppose that’s such an inherent quality of the topic itself that anything less would be insufficiently honest.

The gag (appropriate word, huh?) is pretty simple: it’s a visualization of the statement, “Donald Trump’s dick is in the Epstein Files.” It’d be bad enough if this merely symbolized indirect references in the text, but it’s probably safe to assume there are photographs floating around in there, too—or at least were before Flim-Flam Bondi and Bug-Eyed Earl started tampering with evidence. After all, Trump is a court-affirmed rapist who’s been sued for and even inadvertently admitted to engaging in human trafficking alongside Jeffrey Epstein, and he’s such a malignant narcissist that he probably INSISTED on pictures of his wee, shriveled toadstool being inducted into the Little Saint James Hall of Fame.

Among the more chilling revelations in the Festivus drop were Trump’s alleged participation in an infanticide, because everything he’s ever accused anyone else of doing has been a confession, and rape claims by a separate, unidentified victim who mysteriously turned up dead several years later.

That sure seems to happen to an awful lot of women who cross paths with President Harkonnen, huh?

And to those who might say, “Anyone can report crazy claims to the FBI; that doesn’t make them true,” I’d respond, “Look who you’re giving the benefit of the doubt to! Is it really that much crazier than what he already does out in the open? Besides, he had an army of drooling, illiterate apes call bomb threats in to a pizzeria over less! Let ‘im get hoisted by his own petard!”

This is not a Boy Who Cried Wolf-type situation. The full, unredacted reality is undoubtedly beyond the most lurid fiction anyone could sincerely imagine. We don’t need to concern ourselves with convincing the Grand Old Perverts on the Right, either, because they’ve already made it clear no amount of evidence will ever convince them, no matter how incontrovertible it is. After all, they’ve rallied around known child predators before.

Trump wants to act like Caligula, he can be remembered like Caligula.